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Audience of One...#2



So today I spent roughly 12 hours at work preparing food for a wedding tomorrow and assisting in preparations for a class on Vegan/Vegetarian cooking we are presenting tomorrow for other chefs and cooks in the company. Well, I won't be presenting the class because I'll be wrapped up with this wedding. I'm staring down the barrel of another 12 to 14 hour day tomorrow, which is fine. But of course I'd rather be elsewhere if I had a choice. This summer's catering season has been crazy. For being in an economic downturn, we sure seem to have a lot of clients willing to throw money at us to cook food for them. We are blessed. People are losing houses, jobs, families and lives. And here I am – having one of the busiest summers in recent years. It's weird. But in a good way. My only regret is that I'm not spending much time with my daughter. I have a lot of free passes to plays and such, but no time to go. I'm gonna just give them to her and tell her to take some friends. I've got no time. I'm busy cooking for brides and grooms and people celebrating their 80th birthdays. Or funerals. People are big on elaborate catering at memorial services here. Like some sort of status thing. “See how much food we can afford to provide?” “The deceased was a rich, important person, you can tell because we're having hot sandwiches and a chocolate fountain.”


I hope it's not hot tomorrow – I have to go out to an island to serve this wedding reception in an outdoor pavilion. A served dinner for 225 people. Which is hard enough, but when you add heat and humidity, it really gets to be a workout. And they are not eating until 8:30 – who eats dinner at 8:30? Who makes their guests wait until 8:30 to eat? Clueless, selfish brides that's who.


I'll bet 99 percent of the brides that come into our office to book a wedding reception want to have outdoor ceremonies. They have all these romantic notions that we have to dispel with cold reality. Like the fact that we charge more for outdoor receptions. A lot more. And then there is the fact that by being outdoors, you are introducing a myriad of variables into your Biggest Day. Variables that are nearly all bad. Heat, rain, wind, bugs, cold, humidity, mud, dirt, leaves, rodents, power, water, on and on. Three weeks ago we did an outdoor wedding and the priest was so loaded he fell off the gazebo the couple were standing in during the ceremony. And then instead of an invocation prayer before dinner the guy sang “Danny Boy”. I felt like yelling “Play Ball!” after he was done. So I guess liquor abuse would be another one of those nasty little variables. Outdoor weddings. Blech. But hey – we'll take the money. We'll damn sure probably earn every cent before the day is done.