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Sports, Sex and The Sous Chef

So its July 4. Pretty close to All-Star break in baseball and what I consider to be about the middle of summer. That's not to say I follow baseball or anything. I only watch any of the pro sports during playoffs or championships and even then my interest is barely passing. Other than as a way of marking time on a calendar or having something to glance at while drinking at the bar.

I don't like sports in general unless its Formula One racing or Olympic competition. Otherwise, it just doesn't hold my interest. I find Pro Football especially formulaic, repetitive and non-sensical. This leaves me with almost nothing to say to my co-workers at lunch time during the season. This year should be especially awkward as my new sous chef and right-hand man in the kitchen is a huge football fan. He has already sussed out that I'm totally useless when talking about the sport so he's lined up some football buddies to spend his break time with.

That's not to say we don't share a few common interests. Food and sex are the biggies. Right now, I'm vicariously experiencing an active sex life through him and his rather, er, liberally experimental girlfriend. He's a gentleman about it - keeps details to himself - but is good at implication. So to speak. The Sous is somewhat of an enigma. I've known him for about six years now and he's always been somewhat of a horndog despite the fact that he bears a striking resemblance to the Michelin Man. Ever since I've known him he has had excellent taste in girlfriends. All of them have been sweet, smart and spectacularly good looking. Some have even been models. The Sous says his secret is that he treats them well and makes them laugh - all the time. So, he's a gentlemen and he's funny. Hell, I'm ten times the gentleman he is and next to him I'm like Steve Martin funny. He's like a funeral director with an abscess compared to me in the humor department. And yet...and yet, he always got these girls. The kind when you say "hello" make you feel like Columbo questioning a witness or Quasimodo trying to stand up straight. His current girl is very much like that, but I've grown used to her and have no problems talking to her and telling her jokes. It helps that I'm her boyfriend's boss and that I know she's kind of a freak. And that I'm like 30 years older than her. The Sous told me the other day that he's been dating her for over a year and that he's sure she's the One. So now, along with food and sex, we talk about the future. His future with her. He's got great plans and everything is bright, shiny and full of possibility. So, I'm living that bit vicariously now. I'm like his professional mentor and life mentor now. He says it's good to have someone other than family and friends to talk about this stuff with. I told him the price for that is he needs to be my wing man. He squints at me, shakes his head and says, "Dude, that's messed up. You're like, older than my dad." I laugh. For once, the Sous is the uncomfortable, awkward one.

The Sous


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 5th, 2012 10:24 am (UTC)
Wingman or no wingman, I think this is the year for you. I mean, assuming you want that connection. It's as much about timing as it is about anything else.
Jul. 6th, 2012 02:32 pm (UTC)
the Michelin Man
my wife had a fellow come into the hospital the other night and she described him as looking like the Michelin Man-hope all is well-peace
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )